


In Secret

by ariana_reuts



Series: In Secret [1]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff (for like a second), Implied Smut, Jensen is a bit of an ass, Open Marriage, Oral Sex, Smut, affair, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:20:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26517334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariana_reuts/pseuds/ariana_reuts
Summary: Y/N and Jensen have been in a secret relationship for five years and she wants more.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles & Reader, Jensen Ackles & You, Jensen Ackles/Reader, Jensen Ackles/You
Series: In Secret [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183280
Comments: 17
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [@winchesterxfamilybusiness](https://winchesterxfamilybusiness.tumblr.com)'s #MakeMeSwoon Challenge

The air is thick around you, the smell of sex filling every inch of your room. You could die just like this, here, with the man you love, holding you tight against him as you both come down from your highs. He rolls you both over, his hand gently rubbing over your stomach, inching down to your sore and swollen pussy. You groan when he dips a finger into wet heat.

“I love cumming in you,” he whispers, gently biting at your ear, and you can feel his smile. “Wish I could do it every day.” He starts pumping his finger, tightening the coil again, and you bite back another moan.

"Mmm," you hum as he sinks another finger in, his thumb brushes over your clit. You reach behind you, palming his half-hard cock. "You could, y'know."

The atmosphere between you changes in an instant, he huffs, and pulls away from you, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. You should've known this is how he would react, every time you breach the subject it always ends the same way. The guilt you both feel, the lying, all of it comes to the surface, rearing its ugly head. 

“Just tell her," you beg as he leaves your bed. "That's the whole point of your agreement, isn't it?" He doesn't respond, reaching down to grab his once hastily discarded jeans off the floor. "She gets to fuck whoever she wants and so do you."

"This is different, Y/N. You know that," he sighs and steps into his jeans.

"Why?” You sit up, using the sheet to keep yourself covered. “Tell me, Jensen. Why is this different? Why is okay for her to think that your out fucking some random girl instead of me?”

“Y/N,” Jensen turns around, his emerald eyes staring you down. “It’s more complicated than that. We-” he gestures between you, “we have a history. You don’t think she knows about our past?”

“Our _past_?” You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks. “We were _friends_. There’s nothing in our past, we didn’t even start any of this until after you two were together. You had years- _years Jay_ , to do something about that. You knew how I felt about you, but instead you jumped from girl to girl and I was the one who had to put you back together, _she_ doesn’t get to take all the credit.”

This isn't the first time you’ve had this fight with Jensen. Every time they go on hiatus you beg him to stay just a few days longer, knowing that it would be almost two months before he'd be back. You know deep down that it isn't fair, he spends nine months out of the year in Vancouver, and when he's here it's almost like you’re a normal couple. _Almost._ You and Jensen couldn’t go out in public, not even as “friends,” all it would take was one ill-timed photo to throw both of your worlds into utter chaos. 

Being the _other woman_ came with its own set of rules. When it all started you were just happy to be able to be with him, even if that meant it began and ended at the threshold of your home. When you were together you were the only two people in the world, you didn't discuss _her_ or the fact that she was pregnant. You, in particular, were allowing yourself to live in ignorant bliss cherishing everything he had to give you. You never thought you were the type of person who’d be having an affair with anyone, let alone Jensen, but you can’t help yourself from falling into bed with him every time he comes over.

********************************************************************************************************************************

You’d gone to high school together, and for four years you waited patiently for him to ask you out on a date. Instead, he dated one of your friends, biting your tongue when he told you about their relationship ending; you knew it wouldn’t last. 

You went your separate ways after high-school, you’d stayed in Texas to go to college, and he’d gone off to Hollywood, you’d kept in touch through the years. Reconnecting when you’d moved to Vancouver for your job. It started out as harmless flirting, double entendres, and teasing. 

The first time you slept together it wasn’t something either of you had planned. She was in L.A. working on her latest movie, and you were still on the rebound from your latest break-up. It was a night of too many drinks and loneliness drove your actions. You kept your distance from each other in the weeks that followed, sorting out your feelings, unsure if it was a one-time drunken mistake or the start of something real. 

The second time you were both sober. He’d come over to discuss what happened; how he would never cheat on _her_ , he was in love with her, he wanted to marry her. You tried to understand, Jensen was always a fantasy, someone who you could never have. You didn’t want to ruin your friendship with him over sex. You both agreed to put it behind you, never discuss it again, “pretend it never happened,” he insisted. It nearly killed you, but you nodded hesitantly.

He reached out to squeeze your knee, and you made your way towards the front door. You fidgeted with your hands as you entered the front walkway, not wanting him to leave. There was a hesitation as Jensen reached for the doorknob, and you pulled him in for a hug, melting your body into him. Before you knew what was happening, your lips were on his, wanting, _needing_ more. He had you caged against the wall, hands pawing at you, lifting you up, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist and he ground himself against you. His mouth never left yours as he carried you to your bedroom, dropping you playfully on the bed.

Jensen rid himself of his shirt while you shed your own, desperate to have his skin against yours. The first time was messy, rushed, this time you wanted to take your time, appreciate every moment that you were having with him. He placed sweet wet kisses over your breasts, making his way down, tugging at your jeans to expose your soaked panties. You lifted your hips as he hooked his fingers around them, pulling them along with your jeans down, tossing them onto the floor. 

Jensen placed gentle kisses on the inside of your thighs, you could feel him smiling against your skin as he moved towards your aching pussy. His eyes met yours, giving you a final chance to stop him. “Please, Jay,” you murmured. Each swipe of his tongue was pure ecstasy, you reached down for him, holding his face closer to you. 

You try to clench your legs around him, but he keeps them apart, eyes flicking up at you as you fall apart. He continues his assault on your cunt, removing one hand, and teasing you with his finger. You groaned as it slid through your folds up to your clit, pressing down as his tongue fucked into you. Unable to make any intelligible sounds, you heard a low chuckle come from him as two fingers entered your weeping hole. 

He pumped them fast, spurring you on as you felt the coil tightening. You felt yourself clenching around him and you breathing grew heavier, his fingers finding your sweet spot, brushing it again and again as his mouth focused on your bundle of nerves. You lost all control of yourself when he added a third finger, cumming hard on his face.

“Fuck,” you moaned as he pulled away. He climbed up your body, placing wet kisses over you until he was hovering above you. His cock was hard and ready, precum leaking from the tip, you gently wrapped your hand around him, and he let out a soft groan as you slowly began to pump him. He kissed you passionately and you could taste the release of your climax on his lips.

“I love you, Jay,” you whimper. It wasn’t something you were ever planning on admitting to him, or to yourself, but you couldn’t stop the words from leaving. “I’ve always loved you.”

“I love you too, Y/N,” he whispered in your ear as you guided him towards your entrance. Jensen’s eyes bore deep into you, studying your face as you took in his words. 

“Please, Jay,” you beg, “I need you.”

***********************************************************************************************************************

Jensen doesn’t move; you know he doesn’t have an answer. 

**“I’m tired of being your secret,”** you huff. “It’s been two years.”

“Goddammit, Y/N!” He shouts, throwing his hands into his hair. “She’s my _wife_ , the mother of my children. You want me to throw it all away?”

You try to stammer out a response, but he continues, pacing in front your bed.

“You act like this is easy for me, it isn’t. I told you after that second time, I’m never going to leave her. You said you could accept that. That’s the only reason we continued this. She’s paranoid enough about you as it is, and you want me to tell her that we’ve been sleeping together for the past two years, how do you think that will make her feel?”

“How will it make _her_ feel?” you scoff. “What about how I feel? My feelings don’t matter?”

“That’s not what I said, Y/N.” 

“I’ve kept my feelings to myself for two years, Jay. I’ve tried to be understanding, I haven’t asked you for anything. I don’t push the subject, but I’m tired, Jay.”

He paces in front of you, muttering to himself. 

“I want you, Jay, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” you whisper, it’s something you both know, but you never planned to say it out loud. “I broke up with Steven for you.” 

“He never deserved you, sweetheart,” he says, and a smile creeps upon your face. For a moment you think that he’ll admit that he wants more with you. 

"You never like anyone I date, Jay," you chuckle slightly, "I think it because you're jealous." 

Jensen’s body stiffens, and you know immediately that he doesn't like your joke. He grabs his shirt off the dresser and pulls it over his head before storming out of the room. 

"Jensen, babe, I was just-" you follow him out, quickly pulling on a camisol and yoga pants, not bothering with underwear. "Jay, it was a joke."

“We both know it wasn't Y/N," he snaps back and your smile quickly fades. "You think I like watching you parade with some douche? You wanna slut around with some fuckin’ prick, I ain’t gonna stop you.”

“You don’t get to talk to me like that, Jay," you hiss. "You don’t get to act like some jealous boyfriend. You’ve made it very clear just now, that I am not your girlfriend or whatever you wanna call _this_.”

“You’re right, babygirl, I’m not,” he huffs, “and I’m never going to be. I’m _never_ going to be yours, Y/N. If I wanted that, I would’ve made my move a long time ago.” Jensen’s words are like stabs to your heart, and you try to conceal the tears forming in your eyes. “I chose her over you, I’ll _always_ choose her over you.”

There’s a flash of regret playing on his face. There they were; the words that you knew were coming sooner or later. You'd hoped he'd never say them, that the two of you could go on the way you had been for years in denial. He remains stoic as you use every ounce of willpower to not break down in front of him. 

"We’re never gonna be more than this, Y/N," he says softly. "You have to know that."

"Y'know Jay, if you wanted this to stay casual," you wipe the tears away, "all you had to do was say so. You're so concerned about her, but she's in Austin 'slutting around' as you delicately put it, sleeping with who knows how many people-"

"Shut the fuck up, Y/N!" Jensen screamed, and your heart fell into your stomach. He's never yelled at you like this before, you pushed him too far this time, letting your own jealousy take over. "Don't talk about what goes on in my relationship with my wife. She is nothing like you, she doesn't spread her legs every time someone gives her the time of day."

“You fucking asshole!” You yell, picking up everything that you could get your hands on, and throwing it at him. “Get the fuck out!”

“Y/N,” he tries to reason with you, blocking himself from the barrage of items being thrown at him. “Baby, listen.”

“No!” You push him towards the front door and he stumbles backwards into the hallway. 

“Y/N,” Jensen reaches out to soothe you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean it.”

“Don’t touch me,” you slap his hand away. “You’re never gonna touch me again,” you push him again, moving him closer to the door. “You can go back to your _perfect_ wife, your _perfect_ family. Congratulations, Jay. You don’t have to choose. We’re done.”


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N is trying to move on, but Jensen doesn't want to let her go.
> 
> ***DUB-CON smut in this chapter, consider this your warning***

_“Y/N?” A soft knock comes from the front door and you immediately recognize the voice. “C’mon, sweetheart, open the door.”_

_You wrap a blanket around your body and shuffle towards the door, you hesitate for a moment before reaching for the door; it’s not like Jensen hasn’t seen you in this kind of shape before._

_When you open the door, Jensen’s emerald eyes are staring back at you, and he offers a sympathetic smile._

_“I got ice cream,” he says, gesturing towards a plastic bag in his hand and walks into your apartment. You've only just moved into the apartment, and half-unpacked moving boxes are still littered throughout your living room. “Whiskey, and Sleepless in Seattle. Plus in about twenty minutes, we’ll have a meat-lover’s pizza.”_

_“Jay,” you sigh, and follow him into your kitchen, “you don’t have to do this.”_

_"If I remember correctly,” he sets the bag down on the countertop, and pulls out two pints of chocolate-chip cookie dough, your favorite, before setting both into the freezer. “Whenever one of us is having a rough time, it’s the other’s job to cheer them up.”_

_“When we were in high school,” you argue feebly. “We’re adults now, I don’t need you to make me feel better.”_

_“Y/N,” Jensen takes a step closer to you. “We’ve known each other way too long for me to not know when you need someone to help get you outta your funk. Now, are you gonna tell me what’s wrong, or am I going to have to withhold the whiskey and ice cream until you do?”_

_"It's Ben," you huff._

_"The boyfriend, right?" Jensen searches through a few cupboards before finding two glasses._

_"Yeah," you nod. "After I got the job he was really supportive and we talked about him transferring or finding a job up here after I got settled. We said we’d try the long-distance thing until then."_

_"I feel like there's a 'but' coming," he opens the bottle of Jack and pours you both two fingers’ worth before handing you one of the glasses._

_"But_ , _now he says he doesn't want to come here," you polish off the glass quickly, relishing in the slight burn of the amber liquid. Jensen’s eyebrows rise in surprise when you set the glass down and slide it back towards him._

_“Guess someone finally taught you how to handle your liquor,” he laughs slightly, and you scowl at him until he fills the glass again. You start to down the liquid again before he stops you. “Slow down, sweetheart,” he gently pulls the glass away from your lips. You grumble at him as he grabs you by the arm tenderly and moves the both of you towards your barren living room. Letting you sit down before taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch. “So, Ben doesn’t want to move here?” Jensen repeats back to you._

_"For the last month all he’s done is try to convince me to move back home," you roll your eyes at the still fresh fight._

_You won't go into the specifics of the fights you’d been having with Ben. You and Jensen had only just reconnected after losing contact with each other when you both graduated. He got in touch with you when you moved to Vancouver to work as a make-up artist on some teen drama two months ago. You hadn’t expected him to meet you at the airport and offer you a place to stay. He told you all about his new show, you could barely contain your excitement for him, you knew he’d had steady work since he left Texas, but this seemed like the perfect show for him to break through._

_"I told him how much I love working here," you look up to see Jensen's eyes focused on you. “'Sides there's no work at home, at least not in the industry," Jensen nods, and you take another sip from your glass. "All we’ve done lately is fight, he won’t even consider moving up here anymore, and I told him that I can’t just leave. Long story short," you finish off the drink, "he dumped me."_

_“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Jensen places his own glass on the carpet before leaning forward and enveloping you in a hug. “The guy’s clearly an idiot,” he lets out a chuckle. “Letting you go, what, ‘cause he’s afraid of the long-distance? Any guy would be lucky to have you.”_

_“Jay,” you wipe at the falling tears, the last thing you want is pity._

_“Hey,” Jensen gently grabs your leg and smiles softly. “C’mon, don’t waste your time crying over some dumbass who doesn’t know how good he has it.”_

_You know his words are meant to make you smile, but they only make the tears come faster, and Jensen pulls you close to him as you let them out, humming softly into your ear. Jensen’s hand runs softly down your back and you lay your head against his chest, letting the steady beat of his heart calm you. The two of you hardly speak over the next hour, allowing yourself to take comfort in his soothing presence. Eventually, your sobs cease and your breath steadies, and Jensen’s hums of comfort become little chuckles as he teases you playfully. Your once broken-hearted tears have been replaced by joyful ones as Jensen tells you story after story of on-set shenanigans he and his new co-star get into._

_“Y/N, I’m serious,” Jensen says after you’ve calmed. “You’re the most supportive and loving person I’ve ever known,” His words make your heart swell, and as the alcohol lowers your inhibitions you have to fight the urge to lean forward and press your lips against his. “Anyone who can’t see that doesn’t deserve your love.”_

_Even though you’ve hardly seen each other over the last few years, he’s always held a special place inside you. Jensen’s always been the one that could make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. He could bring you back from the deepest, darkest corners inside your mind with his kind words, seemingly knowing exactly what to say._

_“It can get lonely up here sometimes,” Jensen pulls you out of your thoughts. “Even when you’re with someone, and believe me I know,” he laughs softly. “I know how dark your mind can get, Y/N, so promise me one thing?” You nod your head. “Day or night, if you need someone to talk to, call me, deal?”_

_You hesitate for a moment, unsure why his concern for your well-being is taking you by surprise. He’d always been open with you, and you with him, but you don’t want to overstep your boundaries with Jensen._

_“I’m serious, Y/N,” Jensen says, seemingly understanding your concerns._

_“Deal,” you agree and raise your glass. “But,” you pull your glass away from his just before they touch. “You have to do the same.”_

_Jensen nods, and there’s a clink of the glasses meeting as the two of you drink the rest of the night away._

_In the weeks after you both confessed your feelings, you hope that Jensen will end it with Megan, they always seem to be on the verge of a breakup, but your hopes are shattered when you learn that Jensen proposed to Megan. He didn’t even have the guts to tell you in person, you had to find out through some article in a magazine. When the summer hiatus is over, he shows up on your doorstep, trying and failing to explain himself to you. You don’t understand how he can say he loves you, but wants to marry Megan. You let all your anger out on him, screaming until your voice is hoarse and you can’t cry anymore. You end it then, wishing him luck in his marriage, and ask him to give you space. He is, in spite of everything, still your best friend, and you don’t want to lose that._

_The two of you avoid the topic of your past indiscretions, and you do your best to let go of your feelings and move on. You date here and there, but nothing ever lasts past a couple of dates. That is until you quite literally run into Steven in a coffee shop. He is the first person since you’ve had any type of romantic feelings for since you’d ended things with Jensen and the first real relationship you'd had in years, Jensen excluded. You slowly let Steven become more integrated into your life, grateful that he never pushes you to share more than what you are willing to. After a few months, you decide to introduce Steven and Jensen, and although they maintain a friendly conversation, everything about Jensen’s body language tells you that, for whatever reason, he doesn’t like Steven. Both you and Steven ignore the not-so-subtle jabs Jensen makes towards Steven throughout the night, as if he’s trying to stake his claim as your best friend and former lover. Somehow, Steven takes the night in stride, not letting you apologize for Jensen’s appalling behavior throughout the evening. Though you haven’t explained the full nature of your past with Jensen, you can see that Steven has made the connection. Steven assures you that Jensen doesn’t intimidate him, and you can’t help but chuckle when he offers to fight for your honor._

_Steven leaves you with a passionate kiss, and you re-enter your apartment to deal with Jensen. You don’t have to say anything for him to know that you’re upset with him, and he tries to play off his behavior as a way to see how Steven would react. You admonish him for acting like a jealous ex instead of your friend: you’ve kept your thoughts about Megan to yourself, but he clearly can’t do the same for you. You firmly tell him that if he can’t respect your relationship with Steven, if he can’t be happy that you’ve found someone who makes you happy, that you’re unsure if you can even be friends anymore._

_Jensen takes your threat seriously, and keeps a friendly demeanor around Steven from then on, surprising both of you when he proposes a double date the next time Megan is in town. You don’t think it is a wise idea, considering your and Jensen’s past, but agree anyway, concluding that meeting Megan would help you let go of those lingering feelings that you’ve fought to keep at bay. Your and Jensen’s relationship finally becomes close to what it was before you’d slept together that first time, and you are determined to keep it that way._

_During a break from filming, you notice that Jensen seems to be on edge, and when you confront him, he asks to come over so that you and he can talk, privately. That night, over pizza and beers, you listen, mouth agape, as he explains that he and Megan are not fully satisfied in their relationship and have opened their marriage to allow themselves to pursue outside relationships._

_"There are things we both need, but can’t always give each other," he explains, answering the unasked question that you figure is written on your face. You do your best to reserve your judgement as he continues, seemingly trying to justify their decision; that it’s because they trust each other that they could be with other people._

_He further explains that he and Megan both could ask the other to stop seeing other people if they ever felt it was becoming too serious, or if they became uncomfortable with the arrangement. They had discussed at length, about certain rules, namely the outside relationship would have to remain private; neither of them would be seen with whoever they were in a relationship with. You sit there, dumbfounded by his confession, and before you can even process another thought, Jensen leans in to place a gentle, yet eager, kiss on your lips._

_You pull away, shocked, and frankly, insulted that he felt permission from his wife is all you would need to start a relationship with him again. You’d spent the better part of a year getting over him, and while you still harbored your own conflicted feelings towards him, you stopped yourself from acting on them. Not to mention you are in a new, albeit committed, relationship with Steven. Jensen’s eyes widen when you tell him to leave; asking, begging, for you to let him finish explaining. You refuse and usher him out of your apartment, angry at him for crossing that line again._

_You don't want to lie to Steven, and admit to the kiss you and Jensen shared as soon as you see him. You explain that Jensen was the one to kiss you, and that you didn’t kiss him back. You insist that the kiss meant nothing to you, and that you would set firmer boundaries with Jensen. You know that it’s not your responsibility to do so, but you're afraid that if Jensen tries it again, you may not have the willpower to stop from kissing him back. Before, Steven had accepted your unconventional friendship with Jensen, but after that night, Steven became rightfully so, more suspicious of Jensen. In the months that followed, you also start to come to the realization that you and Steven aren't on the same page anymore. As your and Steven's relationship dwindled Jensen began to pursue you rather aggressively._

_As you near your one-year anniversary, Steven sits you down and gently confronts you about the future of your relationship. You admit that you don’t know if you are ready to settle down with him. Steven doesn’t ignore your choice of words, and asks if you still have feelings for Jensen and if you’d ever truly be able to let go of them. It kills you to admit it out loud, but he doesn’t deserve to be lied to. Steven handles your confession better than you expect, and you both agree to end your relationship; it wouldn’t be fair to either of you to continue seeing each other, not when part of your heart stills lies with Jensen. He leaves you with a kiss on your forehead, and wishes you the best._

_You never planned on waking up next to a very naked Jensen again, but, three days after your break-up with Steven, here you are. You curse yourself for being in this position, making the foolish decision to sleep with Jensen, again. The point of ending it with Steven was to figure out your feelings, not to jump into bed with Jensen the first chance you got. Guilt rakes through your body, before, you could pretend that he and Megan weren’t serious, but they were married now; you’d slept with a married man. You feel sick to your stomach, and dart towards the bathroom, emptying the contents into the porcelain bowl._

_You want to crawl back into bed, but knowing Jensen’s in there, you stop yourself and curl up on the couch instead. It doesn’t take long for Jensen to join you, and when your eye catches sight of the gold band on his finger you can’t stop the tears from welling in your eyes. Jensen quickly closes the distance between you, squatting so that he’s at your eye-level, and assures you that it’s okay. You mumble a response about how it’s not, that you aren’t the kind of person who sleeps with married men. Jensen gently cups your face, wiping at the fallen tears, and reminds you of his and Megan’s agreement. With a soft kiss on your lips, he confesses that you’re the one he wants, and promises to act as if the previous night never happened if that’s what you want._

_You don’t know how to respond to his confession. All the feelings you’ve kept buried deep inside you for years come rising back to the surface, but you’re unsure that you can be in a relationship that will start and end at the threshold of your apartment. You don’t want to make a rash decision, asking for time to think over Jensen’s proposal, he doesn’t argue, telling you to take as much time as you need._

_While Jensen is in Vancouver, you are, for all intents and purposes, his girlfriend, and the two of you spend nearly every moment together. It doesn’t bother you as much as you thought it would, being Jensen’s secret, if anything, you are happy to be with him again. You’d started working on Supernatural a few months prior, and can’t believe how different the atmosphere on the set is compared to other projects you’ve worked on before. When you meet Jared on your second or third day, you quickly understand how he and Jensen had become friends almost instantly. You and Jensen keep the true nature of your relationship between just the two of you, which is easy enough considering how private you both are. The only person Jensen seems to talk to about his personal life is Jared, but you doubt that even he knows the truth._

_It breaks your heart when Jensen tells you that Megan has asked him to end it with you. You figured it would happen sooner or later, but you were hoping for more time. It ends, briefly, until he turns up on your doorstep a few weeks later, confessing that he doesn’t want things to end between you. He explains that when the time was right, he’ll tell Megan: tell her he is going to leave her for you, but until then, the two of you would have to be even more careful about your relationship. You wish you could see the red flag that is waving frantically in front of you, but Jensen's promises of ‘one day’ clouds your better judgement._

* * *

Over the weekend your phone repeatedly chimes with incoming messages from Jensen, all of them saying the same things. You know better to respond to them. It’ll only hurt you more. If he’s not going to be with you, and only you, he should at least let you go. You can’t be only his if he’s not going to be only yours.

You willed yourself out of bed on Sunday night, realizing that you’ve not prepared for the final two episodes. Your laptop whirs as a picture of you and Jensen, taken a few months ago, fills the background. Sorrow fills your body and you’re thankful that no one can see the state you’re in. You take a long, calming breath, before changing the background to some generic landscape.

You read through the production notes, emails from Phil and Steve, the make-up for Jensen and Jared would be fairly standard for the episode. The last episode would be slightly more complicated, with Jensen needing to wear multiple facial prosthetics. As the head of the hair and make-up department, it also meant you had double duty with the special effects team. You prepare yourself for long days of complex detailed special effects, and the fact that you’ll have to deal with Jensen for three weeks before the season will be wrapped.

You keep your distance from Jensen as much as you can on the set for the next two weeks. It’s difficult, as hair and make-up is core to the show, but you let one of the other girls take charge over him, saying that you want them to have more experience working with the stars of the show. You’d supervise, of course, only really giving their looks a once-over to assure that it matched what the continuity called for. If you timed it just right, you’d only have to be in the make-up trailer with him for ten minutes or so, and you wouldn’t allow yourself to be alone with him. You and Jensen had kept your relationship professional while you were on set, so you hoped all would go well.

“Y/N, I’m gonna go to the set for touch-ups,” one of the younger girls, Gina, says as you clear up your station. “I’ll see you after lunch?”

You nod and wave her off, thankful for the time alone. You hate days like this; actors in and out constantly, you, Gina, and Leah, working desperately as you can to send them to wardrobe for fittings and to set on time. It would start again in a few hours, but for now, you are glad that the most stressful part of the day is over. You pull out your phone and connect it to a small bluetooth speaker and let your hips swing to the music as it fills the small space.

You’re so focused on the music that you don’t hear the trailer door opening and closing, and when large hands land on your waist, you jump in surprise.

“Fuck!” You shriek as you turn around to meet Jensen's emerald eyes. You pull yourself away from his embrace, and turn down the music. “What’re you doing here, Jay?”

“Scene reset,” he grins slyly, “Jared destroyed the set. They’re gonna film his coverage first, so I thought I’d come visit my girl.”

“I’m not your girl anymore, Jay.” You scowl, trying to put space between the two of you, but the narrow trailer doesn’t offer you much assistance. “I don’t know how many times I have to say it: _we_ ,” you gesture between the two of you, “are done.”

“Y/N, sweetheart,” he closes the little distance, causing you to back up against the small vanity against the mirror. His body is only inches away from yours. Your heart thumps rapidly in your chest, and heat fills your cheeks. “Don’t be like this. It was just a fight–”

"I'm not being like anything," you argue back. "And it wasn’t _just_ a fight. You said all those awful, hurtful things, and what, I’m just supposed to forget it? Why, because you’re _sorry_? You didn’t mean it? Give me one good reason to let you back into my life, Jay.”

“I love you,” Jensen says curtly before softening his voice. “ _I love you._ ”

“I’m sorry, Jay,” you mutter, “but that’s not enough. You can either have me or you can have her. Grow up and make a decision.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“ _Actually_ ,” you push him away, “it is. Just don’t think I’m gonna wait around for you.”

Jensen hesitates for a moment, as if he’s thinking over your terms before nodding slightly and heads towards the door. You think he’s going to leave, but instead, you hear the faint _click_ of the lock on the trailer door. He stalks back towards you, his hands cupping your face as he places a bruising kiss on your lips.

“I want _you_ , Y/N,” he whispers against your lips. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Don’t say something you don’t mean, Jay.”

Jensen cuts you off with another hard kiss, and you can feel yourself giving into him.

“No one else matters,” Jensen focuses his eyes on yours. His eyes shine and a smile forms as he leans in to place a softer, gentler, kiss on your lips.

You can barely make heads or tails of what’s happening, a voice in the back of your head is telling you to stop while you can, but it is quickly silenced when Jensen’s hand travels up your shirt, leaving soft touches in its wake, and working you to a frenzy. The other hand is tangled in your hair, gingerly holding you there as every kiss becomes more desperate. Jensen leans towards you, rutting against your clothed core.

“Jay…” you come to your senses just long enough to try to protest, but it comes out as a throaty whine. “I don’t think we should–”

You gasp when his fingers pinch your nipple, and your eyes meet his, pupils lust blown, only a small sliver of green shining back at you. You keep your hands on the vanity, the only thing keeping you from falling to the floor. His hand travels downward; lower and lower until he’s unbuttoning your jeans, sliding his hand into your panties and towards your weeping hole.

“Always so wet for me, sweetheart,” he says with a smirk, letting his thumb swipe at your bundle of nerves. You hate yourself for caving into him so quickly, bucking your hips to his touch. “I missed you so fuckin’ much, Y/N,” he murmurs in your ear, and you shudder at the scruff as he rubs his cheek against yours, “ _My girl_.”

Before you could say anything, Jensen’s lips are on yours again, wearing away your brittle resistance. Jensen pulls your jeans and underwear down to your ankles, and steps back into the space between your legs. His fingers run through your folds, and you're embarrassed by the sounds leaving you as he rubs your clit, you don’t want to give in, trying to fight off the orgasm that he’s building.

“ _Mine,_ ” he says as sinks two fingers into your weeping hole without any warning, he places his hand over your mouth in an attempt to muffle your cries as he curls his fingers, hitting your sweet spot. The coil is about to snap and all it takes is a few thrusts of his fingers and a few swipes at your clit before he rips the orgasm out of you. He doesn’t slow, and obscene, pornographic sounds of his thick long fingers fucking you into oblivion fill the trailer.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Jensen mewls against your lips. He pumps his fingers a few more times before removing them, and you whimper at the loss. His fingers are covered in the remnants of your orgasm, and he brings them to his mouth, sucking them clean. “ _Delicious,_ ” he purrs before returning his mouth to yours.

Jensen lifts your shirt up only enough to reveal your bra, and yanks the cups down, allowing your breasts to spill free. He latches on to your nipple as his fingers make their way back into your soaking cunt, scissoring you opening for his thick cock.

“Jay, _please_ ,” you moan as you come down from your high. “Please slow down, I can’t–"

Jensen cuts you off with a hard kiss, and all coherent thoughts leave your head as he quickly rids himself of his jeans, revealing his half-hard cock. Pre-cum leaks from his slit and Jensen ruts against your thigh, as his fingers tighten the coil again. His mouth doesn't leave your body, leaving love bites and bruises all over your breasts. His tongue teases your nipple, and you have to bite your lip to keep from screaming when a third finger enters you. Jensen slides himself through your folds, letting your slick cover him, and notches the tip at your entrance.

Jensen’s viridian eyes bore into you, and you find yourself getting lost in them. He pushes forward, and there’s a slight burn as you stretch to accommodate him, a soft moan escaping your lips as he settles inside you. Jensen barely gives you a moment to adjust before giving a hard, but deliberate thrust. Obscenities leave his mouth with every buck of his hips as he teases you. Jensen knows exactly how to play your body, making you putty in his hands as another whine leaves you.

He pulls your hips forward so that you're barely even on the vanity anymore, and leverages you so that he can hit that sweet spot with every thrust of his cock. It’s a fast and hard pace with which he fucks you, you instinctively wrap your legs around his waist, allowing him to get even deeper than he was before. Your arms fly around his neck, holding on for dear life as you feel another orgasm building. Jensen pulls away briefly, ridding himself of his T-shirt, before doing the same to you, tossing it to the floor.

You try to swallow the moans creeping into your throat, not wanting anyone to hear you. You roll your hips to meet his thrusts and he reaches for your hands, and pulls them away from the back of his neck. He pins your wrists against the mirror, his large hand holding them easily and he starts moving even faster and harder into you. Jensen knows you too well, and covers your mouth with his hand to muffle your cry as you cum hard around him. He doesn’t stop moving, working you through your orgasm before his thrusts become erratic, and a grunt leaves him as you feel the familiar sensation of his seed coating your walls.

You can barely focus on anything as Jensen’s cock pulses inside you, filling you up completely. The once messy kisses and rough touches are quickly replaced by Jensen whispering praises in your ears, and caressing your body with soft, meaningful touches. How long the two of you are like that, you’re not sure, time with Jensen always seems to stand still. When he does pull away, you can feel his cum slicking your thighs, and you're thankful that you’ve stayed vigilant with your birth control. Jensen reaches for a box of kleenex, grabbing a handful of tissues and gingerly cleans you up before doing the same to himself.

A soft buzzing from the floor pulls both yours and Jensen’s attention away from each other, and he reaches down to pull his cell out of his pants’ pocket. A picture of Megan fills the screen, and you watch as he seems to hesitate for a moment, his finger hovering over the green and red buttons.

Dread fills your body and you can feel your face getting hotter, swallowing down a scream when Jensen steps out between your legs, giving you an apologetic look before lifting the phone to his ear.

“Hey Meg,” you can hear Megan’s voice faintly on the other end, and it breaks your heart that he is smiling on the phone. “Yeah, y’know how Jared is, always destroying sets,” he lets out a breathy laugh as he pulls up his jeans and tucks himself away. Amidst your distress, you could feel your rage building up inside you. Jensen carries on in his conversation like he wasn’t just fucking you minutes ago, like you weren’t still naked in front of him. Jensen turns around, and you wonder how he could have the gall to look at you. You pull up your jeans and underwear, and locate your crumpled shirt on the floor, and hastily redress.

“Meg, babe, they’re calling me back. Yeah, see you in a few days. Love you too.”

Jensen’s phone is still in his hand when a loud _thwack_ fills the air when your palm connects with Jensen’s cheek, leaving an angry red mark in its wake. “You _fucking_ asshole. I can’t believe I actually thought– get out!” You raise your hand again, but Jensen grips your wrist before you can hit him again.

“Y/N,” Jensen seems to be trying to calm you, softening his voice and relaxing his body. “Please, sweetheart, listen–”

“No!” You take a shuddering breath. “All I wanted was for us to be together, to _really_ be together, and you knew that Jay. You’ve been leading me on for years–”

“I haven’t been–”

“Yes, you have!” You scream, finally letting your built up anger leave you. “If you ever wanted to be with me, _truly_ be with me, you would’ve broken up with Megan years ago. But, no! She’s _perfect_ , she’s everything I’m not, isn’t that right?” Jensen stares at you, mouth agape as you continue. “You shower me with ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I want to be with you’s’, anytime I have doubts and I _stupidly_ buy it every time.” Your own words hit you harder than you expect, and tears come flowing before you can stop them.

“I _do_ love you, Y/N.” Jensen speaks so softly you can barely hear him over your sniffs. “And I _do_ want us–”

“Stop!” You yell, “just _stop_.” You can feel your heart racing, and your body starts to go numb. “We've been going back and forth for years and I can't do it anymore. You've been playing me and Megan, you love me, you love her, you want to be with me, you can’t imagine your life without her! What is it Jay?! I’m done being used like a fuck-toy.”

“Y/N–”

“You’re a coward,” you snap, “and one day Megan’s gonna learn the truth; you’re a liar and a cheat. And when that does happen, don’t expect me to be waiting for you. I’ll say this one final time Jay,” you take a deep breath, standing your ground as you look up to meet his eyes. “We’re done.”

“Y/N, you’re my best friend.”

“ _Was_ ,” you correct him. “I _was_ your best friend and that's something I will never be again.”

"Y/N –" Jensen's face softens, his forehead wrinkling as he takes in your words.

You march to the door, unlocking it and swinging it open. Your eyes fill with horror as you notice two personal assistants standing only a few feet away from the trailer. Neither of them make eye contact with you, instead they stare down at the clipboards in their hands. Jensen attempts to speak to you again, but is cut short when he catches sight of the two staff members, seemingly having the exact same thoughts as you. _How long have they been there? How much did they hear?_

“Ackles!” Jared appears from around the corner. “C’mon man, we’ve been lookin’ everywhere for you. Steve–” Jared takes in the state of both you and Jensen, and glances over to the two young men. “Steve says he needs you.”

Jensen simply nods towards Jared before giving you a final glance, and leaves you alone in the empty trailer. The two assistants follow after Jensen as he makes his way back to the sound stage. Jared’s hazel eyes focus on you and his face softens, and you turn away from him.

“Y/N –” Jared attempts as you walk out of the doorway, but you keep quiet, making your way to your station and gathering your possessions. You couldn’t break down, not here, not at work, not when you’ve worked so hard to keep your personal life separate from your work life. The tears come anyway, no matter how hard you try to fight them back.

“Y/N,” Jared’s voice cuts through your sniffs.

“Please, don’t,” you beg, turning away from Jared. Your and Jensen's now poorly kept secret might as well be written all over your face. You suspected at some point over the last few years that Jensen told Jared about your relationship, yet he never said anything. But now, eyeing him through the mirror, you are scared of his possible reactions.

You wait nervously, bracing for an inevitable scolding about the nature of your and Jensen’s relationship. You expect him to come to Jensen’s defense and to chastise you for making a scene at work, but he remains silent. He walks slowly towards you and gently wraps his arms around you, and you stiffen against him. You don't want his or anyone's pity, but you can't stop the endless sobs that leave you as you relax in his embrace.


End file.
